To Keep Your Memory in Me
by ClampLover
Summary: With a new Kid Flash rushing around and bonding with a new Robin, Nightwing is forced to remember and accept losing his own speedster. The Wally in his head and heart wildly approves. The rest of Dick does not. Spoilers.
1. The Damage is Done

**Title: To Keep Your Memory in Me (1/2)  
**

**Warnings**: Spoilers for entire series (kind of); a lot of this is based off a situation that could possibly be true-ish, maybe? Head-canon for the win!

_**Note: **Hi everyone, before this starts, give me a chance to explain. I, like everyone, have been wondering what the hell happened to old characters, especially Kid Flash. Due to a recent episode of Superboy saying he broke up with Miss Martian because she left him no choice, and the casualness of how she brain broke that alien, my head cannon went:** OMFG, What if Miss Martian accidentally killed Wally by doing that?** More importantly, how the hell did Dick respond to that, especially if a new Kid Flash came a few years later and got along with Robin (Tim)? _

_So the angst and sorrow began, growing from this small idea into over three thousand words that will be continued into a second chapter (never saw it being this long). Also un-betaed because I am impatient as all hell and paranoid tomorrow's episode will invalidate how I saw the family dynamic of Nightwing and Robin (I'd be thrilled if Wally lives though). If you want to help, leave me a message in your review. (If you do). _

_Mini-Edit: Realized I had mixed up a few of the years; sorry for confusion. Aqualad's fate, which will be further expanded upon in the next chapter, was also fixed.  
_

Disclaimer: I don't own, I'm unlucky like that.

Summary: With a new Kid Flash rushing around and bonding with his successor, Nightwing is forced to do the one thing he wishes he could avoid: remember. The Wally in his head approves.

* * *

(Summer, 2016)

From his position at the monitors, Nightwing can only see the awed expression of Kid Flash, wide eyed and hesitant to blink, despite having been to The Cave a handful of times before. Robin pulls him from the entrance and down a corridor, sparing a lingering look to Nightwing, who nods him away.

Even after all this time, he was not fully prepared for the shock (_longing, its longing-uniform designed with different shades of yellow, near white, and hair too brown to ever be mistaken for red_).

Wally's gleeful grin at this doesn't disappear.

* * *

(Spring 2015)

Dick isn't sure who is more excited to meet the new Robin; Wally's a front runner though _("Baby Bat! Dude! I have to corrupt him and teach him my ways. And some credit, I want to meet Tim._). The situation is tragic. God, he'd give anything to prevent this pain for his pseudo little brother, but he can't; the one positive of the situation would be Tim getting to grow into Robin, throw his grief into training (it saved Bruce, saved him) and let him have a chance to meet a hero outside of Gotham.

_"Bet I can get him to like me more." _

_"Yeah right, I'm the definition of cool, older brother material."_

_"Last time I checked, that's not how I'd define you. And if you're the older brother, what does that make me? Super older brother?"_

_"Potential relative we spend the majority of time distancing ourselves from?"_

They later agreed, after dinner, that Tim would end up loving Alfred best.

Everyone did.

* * *

(Fall, 2016)

Over time, he has become a good brother, learned to tell when Tim is lying over how overwhelmed (not whelmed at all, either of them at those times) he actually is or that he has vanilla ice cream when he misses his old life, because one of his earliest memories is of his mother taking him to a park and buying him a cone. They bond over Bruce, over joke fighting for Alfred's cooking, over shared loss.

Shared friends.

Tim had only gotten to meet Wally a few times, walking through the mansion's front door to see Dick and Wally in the middle of a movie or on their way out. They'd gotten along too well for Dick's' sake, he used to complain, ganging up on him over opinions of the best _Star Wars_ characters and their mutual agreement to try and hide dictionaries from him. He spends too much time trying to forget their look over his protest of "Not feeling the aster."

He had not been ready enough to work with Kid Flash, never had to learn adapting tactics to involve a speedster, something Dick had found as easy as breathing after so many shared years. _Despite his best attempts, the motions never faded, no matter how much he ignored them. In battle, blurs of yellow always caught his attention. Wally hated not being noticed._

The introduction of Bart led Tim to be 'panicked', in his fashion, over the lack of training and preparation. Dick normally found Freaked!Tim five different types of humorous, (his personal favorite being how Tim's tone would wobble slightly at the start of his issue until he calmed down and then grew steady and level no matter the topic; damn, younger than him and already known as the serious Robin). This time, bile in Dick's throat made it difficult to laugh.

_"He's just everywhere at once and I can't keep track of him."_

_"How do I know if he'll stay with his crooks and not speed over while I'm in the middle of attacking another set?"_

_"Is he supposed to heal that fast?"_

Dick wants to reply, wants to tell him how time will make this easier, that he should be thankful, not worried that broken bones don't last two months. But he can't, just reminds Robin that Batman and the Flash have worked together for years and that Batman will have a better opinion.

Tim stares straight through him and thanks him quietly. Despite feeling awful at that moment, not like a decent brother at all, Dick can recognize that Tim feels at fault here, bringing up this topic in the first place and looks ready to apologize. There's only one thing Dick can do. Lie.

"Ask Batman for me too, alright? It's been awhile since I've had to think about this."

Tim just looks at him harder.

Wally doesn't look at him at all.

* * *

(Winter, 2015-2016)

Over time, they'd all been offered positions in the League. Rocket left first, followed quickly by Zatanna. Artemis chose to retire, at least temporarily; being raised by parents who had no backup plan except for more crime, Artemis (and her mother) turned to education so she could have that stability and support. Roy had been long gone on his own quest. The less said about Aqualad (_Kaldur, Tula, we miss you_), the better.

Guilt kept Miss Martian (and debatably Superboy, although he never elaborated fully on his reasons) with The Team. Caution, and the need to monitor, kept Nightwing there as well.

He was not about to lose someone else he loved to a mistake by Miss Martian. (_Not her fault, not her fault, not her fault. You listening to me yet?_)

Wally had been enough.

* * *

(Fall, 2015)

Surprisingly, it was Batman that _suggested_ (ordered, he ordered) that Tim had earned a place on the Team; Tim, serious, patient, almost painfully bright, deserved it.

Dick was the roadblock. As handler, he had a right to veto. He'd never had to before, even with the questionable inclusion of Beast Boy (young, grief stricken, wanting to follow a beloved family member into battle- similarities he sympathized with). Hell, he had been eager for Barbara.

But, just for a minute, he wanted to refuse, wanted to keep Tim in Gotham for just awhile longer. It wasn't rational, wasn't something he could really explain (_Liar! Dude, you're still freaked over Miss M. But it's Tim! He'll be fine. He's going to take over the world one day, if Batman lets him and he himself clues in. Dibs on Hawaii._)

Dick let him in and refused to remember why he hesitated.

* * *

(2015)

He died in the summer, thousands of miles from home. The Team, just Robin, Kid Flash, Superboy, and Miss Martian, had been tasked with monitoring suspicious activity at a shell company of Lex Corp.

"_I want Italian."_

_"KF! Focus!"_

_"I am! I was thinking of Greek but now I'm firm on Italian."_

_"…"_

_"Nothing's going on-"_

_Boom! _

_"I can feel your glower. Dude, not my fault!"_

Her name had been Myriad, and she was a shape shifter with formidable mind control. She latched onto Kid Flash, first on the scene. By the time they had arrived, the two of them, twins, were circling each other, a dozen feet from the smoking, door less side entrance.

They couldn't tell them apart. Every question: same answer, same response, same desperate looks.

Miss Martian, _so powerful, so much potential_, gently, at first, entered their minds to no avail. She kept pressing, kept searching for the truth, for a way to break the connection, and, in one second, both Wallys collapsed.

Their (_his_) Wally never woke up.

Myriad didn't remember a thing (and God, was that not fair. She will not be haunted with wide green eyes looking at him and blinking in quick bursts. It's me. _blink._ You're my best friend. _blink_. Tell them you know it's me.)

There is no blink after that.

* * *

(Fall and Winter, 2016)

Bart is enthusiastic and bright but, Tim complains to him, he has no basic self preservation. Dick's noticed as well, sees how Superboy, more often than not, is roped into dragging Kid Flash to medical. Well, he does when Kid Flash is actually conscious enough to put up a fight.

After this case from Alaska, he's not.

_Remember that time in Greenland, where I accidentally slid into you? We skidded like twenty feet into a snow bank, and Artemis didn't stop laughing for five minutes. I got knocked out with a head cold, and Superboy had to lug me off the Bio-Ship when I refused to wake up. Your freaky Bat powers kept you healthy, and I hated you until you brought me soup from Alfred. We both pretended you knew I had been fine the entire time. Dude! Remember?_

He passes any possibly psych evaluation with flying colors and a smile; immediately after, the injuries decrease for a few weeks after a session until they spike up again. It's a cycle that needs to be broken.

Wally's chant of _Ambush! Ambush! Ambush_ goes ignored.

* * *

(Summer, 2015)

He is only seventeen when forced to bury his best friend. He doesn't speak a word at the funeral and doesn't remember a word spoken. There are only faint memories: huddling between Bruce and Tim as if they could make the hurt lessen as time did, the red of his tie, the fact it was sunny. Wally would have loved it, would have prodded and whined until Dick relented and hit a town or beach with him, sunglasses allowed and not complained about because of the weather. He'd most likely wear an obnoxiously colored counterpart to them. He'd fake hurt over Dick's teasing and attempt to slap the back of his head, laughing over-

It hurts to (_feel_) think.

* * *

(Late Spring, 2016)

"This is Kid Flash." Batman gestures to the boy standing next to the Flash at the entrance, both equally drenched and leaving puddles on the floor. Seconds later, B-20 is called out and Robin joins them, sliding into Kid Flash and nearly tumbling to the floor.

Dick disconnects. Doesn't just leave the room, but the building, hell the planet. Everything rushes back, and he feels dizzy.

_It rained earlier in Central City, and the rooftop he and Batman are waiting on is slick. In what will become a running theme, Robin gets slammed into by an eager Kid Flash, who, Flash ruefully comments, needs to work on his stopping. _

_Kid Flash apologizes in a rush, babbling, and Robin cannot understand a word._

_"You should have been named Kid Mouth!"_

_ "Nice. Explain the bird and bat connection to me."_

_Robin hits him on the arm and decides to like him. _

_He never stops._

* * *

(Fall, 2015)

Dick blames everyone for the incident.

Myriad for choosing Wally, for changing the shade of her eyes to a deeper green, for mimicking the way his nose crinkled when stressed. (She'll be placed in the same category as Zucco and the Joker; the small group of people he can never forgive, wants to see bleed and hurt despite what Bruce has taught him. His thoughts turn bitter when he tries to ignore these feelings.)

Miss Martian, obviously, although he's been trained to hold his tongue (Even now he feels the constant _hurthurthurt_ that follows with every beat of his heart when he thinks about her involvement). At sixteen though, he resents her hair color not being brighter, that her training wasn't up to par, that she's maturing and hiding her hurt better than him.

_The crux of the issue with Miss Martian is that he can't trust her to know her limitations, to not hurt someone he loves again. He rationally knows it was Myriad's control that took Wally, but, there's a gut reaction to fear, just for a millisecond, her going through minds._

_Myriad broke psychic connection only through death. Miss Martian didn't do anything, he **knows** this. The feelings don't go away so easily.  
_

Superboy, for not stopping his girlfriend. (Years later, he'll remember those feelings with disgust and shame. Conner is sometimes the only one he trusts to keep Tim safe on missions. Superboy, bless his humanity, and he is the human one between the two during those dark moments, never comments on how often he is paired with Tim during the summer, just shares a steady look over Miss Martian's head).

Bruce, for sending them off to the mission. That feeling goes away almost immediately after seeing the look on Bruce's face when he returns home. He'd be dead without his father, who, along with Tim and Alfred, were the only three people to keep him sane after the mission, who did not resent his moods and sluggishness outside of crime fighting.

He goes to sleep knowing it's his fault. Breathes _failure_ in and out. He prays, occasionally, to Wally, for forgiveness. Dick had an idea who was the real one, ended up being proven right, but his claims weren't sure enough, lacked his usual confidence.

There is no response.

Wally died, scared and knowing his best friend had failed him.

Dick wasn't sure who was more heart broken.

Wally, most likely, the goofier heart to his wit and brains. His best friend. His blood on Dick's hands, in his memory.

Most nights, he doesn't sleep, just tries his best not to remember.

* * *

(Winter, 2016)

For all his carelessness with his own health, Kid Flash did not handle team injuries well. Or at all. He'd often vibrate in place nearby the injured party, trying to find the right words to say, stumbling or rushing the entire time. Even (_especially_) when it came to Tim (_who learned to smile, comprehend without asking for clarity_), who was currently being woken up for the third time in as many hours to monitor his concussion-pieces of falling ceilings have a tendency to have nasty side effects.

Surprisingly, however, when Dick went to check on Tim, Kid Flash was nowhere to be seen. Tim groggily gestured to a hall on the alternate side of the room, upon seeing his brother. Batgirl, seated next to the bed, mouthed Kid Flash at him and looked half ready to go get him herself.

_("She's my favorite!" Wally mentioned as he ignored her now vacant position at the foot of the bed to sprawl out next to Dick. "She's the one who told me how stupid you were being. My role of best friend should automatically guarantee me the chance to make mug shots outside your hospital room, not find out you were even there after you come home." He proceeded to steal the remote, a pillow, and a spoon, helping himself to the ice cream. _

_He smiled at the look Dick sent him, ignored the huff, and put on a corny horror flick they could mock. _

_Babs halted at the door to laugh at Wally getting beaten by a pillow for mentioning how lovely the silence the tonsillectomy caused actually was.) _

Dick walks out, bypasses the training room, and heads to an exit for the cliffs.

For better or for worse (He doesn't know which by this point), Bart took after Wally in many ways, specifically his trick of sulking away from prying eyes by going outside. Dick spent countless hours Wally hunting over cliffs until he finally, instinctively understood just where he would be. Tim's currently logging an impressive number of his own speeder search. It's sometimes enough to make his heart clench.

The occasional stabs of memory, of acute nostalgia and deja vu are nothing compared to the moment he spots Bart, rock shadows and the reflection of the sun turning him into Wally for that one second. He stops breathing, stops functioning, stops hurting, until it rushes back painfully, shattering his heart (_and that's what Wally is-had been, but wasn't anymore, because he was dead, not alive, and that's Bart, not a ghost_).

Dick flees, ignoring a pained voice ordering him: _Go back there right now!_

* * *

_This ran away with me, I admit it. I even went and gave Miss Martian possible innocence cause I love these characters too god damn much. And Myriad is a real character; to lose the psychic connection, she has to kill the other person and never remembers what she did. Part 2 of 2 will be published within a week or two; this only took two days, but the second one is so much more emotional.  
_

_And if you cried, I feel glad I'm not alone, (but I know what happens in part 2).  
_


	2. Loved You All My Life

**Title: To Keep Your Memory in Me (2/2)**

**Warnings**: Spoilers for entire series (kind of); a lot of this is based off a situation that could possibly be true-ish, maybe? Head-canon for the win!

_**Note: **__My feelings: First, holy fuck, I love you all. I was petrified this would fail to live up to standards but the feedback and messages I've gotten have been lovely. Seriously, I love you._

_Second: God, that new episode (Bat Family!) and what I've heard will happen in the upcoming ones (Roy, Aqualad, I still love you both). I'm __never__ leaving this fandom. Miss Martian is scaring the hell out of me, but I can love Superman again. And Aqualad kind of broke my heart a little bit. Roy's going to wreck me next week and ruin this part of the story, I know it.  
_

_And if Bart Allen appears in the show, EVER, I'm psychic, that's all I'm saying.  
_

_I kept playing Ryan Star's Losing Your Memory as I wrote this on and off and altered a few phrases of the song to come up with the title and chapter names. Credit where credit is due.  
_

_As for the length of this chapter, two words, Kid Flash. He hijacked what was going to be a tiny conversation with his snark and love of sugar. The bastard.  
_

_I'll be responding to all reviews shortly, so if you leave/left an anonymous one, leave an email as well, okay?_ (And first anon reviewer, I kind of hate myself for killing him and part of me wishes I said coma so he could come back to life. Screw it, I'm changing my head canon after this story to coma. Wally lives!)_  
_

_FINAL NOTE: I am so immensely proud of this chapter; I think it might be my favorite thing I've ever written, so I only hope you can all enjoy it as much as I do.  
_

Disclaimer: I don't own, I'm unlucky like that.

Summary: With a new Kid Flash rushing around and bonding with his successor, Nightwing is forced to do the one thing he wishes he could avoid: remember. The Wally in his head approves.

* * *

(Winter 2016)

When Wally was still alive, Dick knew there would always be someone outside of the Bat-Family to understand him, not just someone he would die for, but someone he'd want to live for.

(_In the end, they died together, both in a fake mental world and now, because Wally isn't there, isn't breathing and it is not okay. Dick is not okay.)_

He's fine once he leaves Bart to the shadows, remembers how to breathe when he sits on the stairs leading down to the cave. Something in him won't let him go farther. Dick tells himself he's never been capable of seeing someone he cares about in pain (and he does care for Bart, likes him for prodding Tim into talking, for always paying attention to Beast Boy, for his awareness in battle, for just being Bart, not Wally.)

But.

But sometimes, it is hard to not resent him for that. He always remembers, even if it kills him (_and it might one day because the memories are still there and so is the pain_) that Wally is not coming back, won't be there to teach Superboy pop culture, to flirt with Artemis even after their break-up, to mourn the loss of Roy and Kaldur with him. Won't be there to call Dick on his bullshit, drag him out of his room, and complete his sentences, if they bothered to vocalize their thoughts.

Admitting that drains Dick/Nightwing/KF's partner in crime. There is no part of him not altered by losing Wally, no matter how much he pretends otherwise.

Wally, his ghost, his influence, and the heart that bled onto his friends, won't let himself be ignored.

"_He's family. Not just mine, but ours. You know what you have to do."_

Dick does. He will do the right thing. And not only for Wally.

He just needs another minute.

He spends it remembering.

* * *

(January 2, 2012 5:30 AM)

"That's it. I'm pretending this week didn't happen until I've slept for a year," Wally mutters into his arms, slouched in a stool against the kitchen counter. "Well, except for Artemis. That can stay."

Dick nudges Wally's stool gently, forcing it out of his way as he reaches into a lower cabinet.

"Hey-oh, score!" Wally makes a half-hearted attempt to yank the newly discovered cereal box from Dick, who easily dodges out of the way to collect bowls and a seat for himself.

"Nice energy from the guy who bumped into three doorways in an attempt to get to the kitchen."

The comment is ignored by Wally as he debates face-planting into his cereal. While tempting, Wally knows he'll just get a spoon thrown at his head for his efforts.

"Hey, not cool, man. This is the healthy version. I thought I destroyed all these boxes weeks ago."

"You did. Roy was not impressed in any way." Dick looks ready to impale himself on a Batarang after that comment (_which Wally can not allow, injuries and over-dramatic gestures are his trademark, thank you very much Bird Boy; the look he get's in response to that thought is unimpressed_).

Wally sighs and decides to properly wake up (_yeah, like he had a choice_). "Alright, let the year's first Dramatic Kid Flash-Robin Important Talk begin. Go team."

There's a tiny twitch in the corner of Rob's mouth, one he knows to look for to monitor just how fucked they are; Robin may be the only guy Kid Flash knows who'll smile more at death than in life. Batman has seriously got to stop him from cackling at everything. Wally's going to eventually hold an intervention.

Both types of Supes would totally help.

"How didn't we know?"

The two of them _(and Kaldur, who handled the news with grace and dignity that impressed KF- If the situation was reversed, he'd still be prowling STAR Labs looking for Dick_) will spend quite a few nights asking themselves that.

But that's the thing; it wasn't him and Dick. It was Kaldur and Roy, quiet and steady in their friendship that often went overlooked once Roy decided to get the hell out of dodge. Not like Wally even noticed what the two of them were doing half the time (_Roy once mockingly called them thunder and lighting: where one went, the other followed, both oblivious to the people and damage around them. Yet again, Roy was proven right_).

He and Dick, however, would have _known_, just like they knew they were the only ones the other could trust on the Team in both the best and worst case scenarios. Its not him being cocky (for once), it is fact, pure and simple. Understanding someone for their strengths and loving them for their flaws is just what they _do_. Have done for what feels like forever. And what they'll keep on doing because its them.

Wally and Dick have grown together, fought together, died together and they'd die again or kill for the other despite their training (_although, if anything hurt Dick, Batman would probably beat him to the punch_).

"Because it wasn't our job to." It crushes Wally to own up to that, but all of Roy's changes seemed natural due to age and the distance between them, even before they discovered Superboy. As much as he would fight in Roy's corner (and had), it's a world of difference when compared to Dick, who he could complain to and at with his aforementioned dying breath (_Seriously man, I'm still pissed you didn't let me meet Jack Haly. And don't give me that look, you'd have killed me if I went on a vengeance quest without you. No, I will **not** go on a vengeance quest without you, although you'd totally deserve it._)

Dick, bless him, just stares at Wally, blue eyes narrowed in thought. (_And here was the proof Wally didn't need to _know_ they'd be okay, that they were on the same page. He can still do one of his favorite tricks-follow Dick's though process and understand what will conclude on the other side. Admittedly, he still needs work and it only proves true when they know how the other feels, but it's a start. They're going to be psychic one day. Well, Dick, being Dick, might already be. Batman taught him, or maybe the circus._)

But he understands, just like Wally knew he would.

* * *

(Summer, 2013)

"Robin! Robin! Look what I snagged," Beast Boy bragged as he rushed off the Bio-Ship; Robin didn't get a clear look at the item being frantically waved at him, but nodded and offered his congrats regardless.

"Better than the trash Kid brings in."

Beast Boy grins at the indignant "Hey!" shouted across the landing pad before scurrying off to see Miss Martian, prize in hand.

Kid Flash psuedo-slams into Robin (they both knew Robin let him). "Quantity over quality. And two words: Robot Eye."

Robin hip-checks KF in return before heading to the rest of the team. "While its cute you have to be defensive against a ten year old, understand that it's your corruptive influence, not mine."

"Really? It wasn't me he wanted to show off to first."

"Please, showing me means showing you."

"I guess. I'm not surprised though," Wally mentions thoughtfully to Dick's puzzlement.

"What?"

"Oh my god! I realized something before you. Yes, this rocks." (_Dick will not go to his grave swearing this never happened. Sometimes not being on the same page as Wally proved his sanity, although that hardly ever happens anymore_)

"Should I wait for you to get your diary, or are you going to share with the rest of the class now?"

"If you're going to be like that..." Kid Flash teases before speeding off. Five seconds later, he returns, apple in hand.

"For my glorious teacher."

Dick likes to think Bruce would be proud of the self control he possessed by not throwing it in Wally's face.

"As I was saying, Beast Boy is obviously going to brag to you first, because you and I are like this awesome family unit. I'm the kick-ass older brother he mimics and gels with, while you're the dorky, smart one he wants approval of because he sees how well we get along. Don't worry though. I'm going to get your future, potential sibling to love me more and you'll understand. Until then, can we steal Beast Boy from Miss M and adopt him? We'll die his hair red and give him a cape." (_The next time Dick wants to kill Wally, he will remember the bright eyed look on his face at this moment and how genuinely Dick himself is tempted to go along with this joke-plan_).

Wally gets family, knows how to explain the baser, happier human emotions that Dick has to contemplate longer (_Gotham is not the happy place Central City is_), and knows how to clue Dick in.

He's unbelievable smug the next few times Beast Boy gets bright-eyed and bushy tailed (literally) when showing off his mission souvenir to Dick, who turns away so neither of them can see his smile.

_(Half a year later, Tim Drake stumbles into Dick's life, and Wally gleefully plots to double team with Tim, drag him over to what Dick calls the "Suicidal, god why do I call you my best friend" world of stupid ideas. Dick would give anything to have seen that come true, seen what their family would have been like with Gar, Tim, and Bart.)_

* * *

(Spring, 2014)

They've got him on the drugs that make him loopy; the second Bruce could, he dragged Robin home, put Alfred on guard-duty, and went to clean up Dick's mess.

After three days, he remembers why he's not at the Cave.

Tula. Dead. His fault. He was the one who led the mission.

A combination of exhaustion and a weariness _sinking through his bone marrow to spread everywhere_ let him sleep.

_Kaldur, I am so sorry. _

Wally shows up three days later, freckles sticking out against pale skin.

Dick just looks at him, _knows_ that something else has happened. Bruce, when Dick is conscious, is tight lipped and too wary to tell him anything.

Like every other time before, the mattress dips as Wally settles in for the long haul. Dick closes his eyes.

They're silent.

"Why are you here?"

"Seriously?"

"Go away."

The mattress shifts again, and Dick waits to hear the door open. Instead, he's hit on the head, and his eyes fly open to see Wally, lips stretched tight in a grimace, pillow in hand (and it's always the spare pillow he never uses, because Wally knows how much he depends on getting to crawl into bed and crash into soft familiarity, knows how weird Dick can be sometimes when it comes to his routine).

"You thought that would work?" Wally tries to grin, but it falls flat, and he knows Dick can tell, had been able to for years.

Dick sighs and sits up straighter, resigned. (He isn't surprised anymore, knows that if the roles were reversed, he'd have probably snuck into Wally's room sooner, with practiced ease and confidence the West family wouldn't have fussed, even if they found him.)

Wally settles and looks at him expectantly.

"I meant it earlier. Why are you here?"

"Because it was the first time you were awake when I came around?"

"Wally!"

"I was worried. All Bat-Daddy would say is that you were fine and we'd see you soon. Do you have any idea how lucky we are that Alfred opened the door and let me in? Bruce wouldn't have."

This unsettles Dick; Bruce stopped trying to separate them years ago. "What did _you_ do?"

"Not me. It's Kaldur, dude. He's gone." Wally goes quiet. God, they've been doing this silent communication too long, can tell when to stop so the other can explode.

"Atlantis, right? Can you blame him? I got Tula killed!" Wally startles at this and opens his mouth to respond, but is ignored. "This is a disaster! Double on the dis. I failed the team, didn't react quickly enough. He's heartbroken, and he should never forgive me because I KILLED Tula! I- " Wally smacks him across the back of the head, glaring.

"Shut up."

Dick opens his mouth, "No. I said shut up," and promptly closes it.

"Tula stayed behind despite orders to retreat. The criminals who planted the bomb? They killed her, not you. Don't put this on you, because everyone else can find a way to blame themselves; I should have realized she wasn't leaving and sped into get her. Aqualad should have never petitioned for her to join the Team. Artemis should have gone in her place, and therefore Tula would have lived. This is _no one's_ fault except the people who committed the crime in the first place. We all know that, so don't you dare think otherwise."

Dick has many reasons to love his best friend: the teasing, the nights spent hanging out in various bed rooms when the other is sick, the glee they both took in Rocket claiming them reading each other's mind freaked her out, the fact Wally would, at 2 AM, speed over to Gotham if Dick needed him, no questions asked.

This, this right here, however, might be the definite reason why. Wally knew his heart, knew how his mind worked, and how to fix them both. How could he function without him?

"You won't have to. Our brotherhood is too epically nuts to be shoved off to other people."

Dick takes it back; the mind reading is the real number one reason.

Wally laughs, "You're family. I know what I have to do."

_(Later on, Wally will have to repeat himself half a dozen times when Dick pieces together the fact Aqualad was not coming back and placed the blame on their shoulders._

"_He's right to never forgive me."_

"_Not again! Rob-)_

* * *

(Winter, 2016)

Its darker, nearly sunset by the time he approaches Bart, who doesn't acknowledge Dick, doesn't even notice he's no longer alone.

Dick kicks a pebble near Bart, who flinches and looks around wild-eyed.

"We've got to work on that."

"I know," Bart sighs and stares along the coast. "How's Robin?"

"Dreaming of attacking that dastardly ceiling with his bo-staff. He'll be fine, Kid. Worry about yourself; he's going to interrogate you for not stopping for a visit."

"He would." At that, Bart tries to smile, but its jagged at the edges and his eyes don't light up (_And Dick knows that is a Bad Sign, because it is what Speedsters in red and yellow do: they smile and mean it or they don't smile at all, at least to the boy(s) who can call them(him) on it_).

Dick's silent as well; patience is a virtue _("That you DO NOT have; yeah, on stake outs, sure, but you're as bad as me sometimes_).

Finally, Bart turns to face Dick fully and, maybe accidentally, wonders out loud, "When are you going to ask me what's wrong?"

"I'm not. You're just going to tell me."

Puzzled, Bart sends him a doubtful look, "I am?"

"Yup. You'd have sped away otherwise. After all, you're Kid Flash."

"But I don't want to be!" And Bart looks horrified, absolutely stunned, like he's about to be sick.

"That came out wrong!" Bart looks ready to bolt, and Nightwing lunges, grabs his arm tightly before he's made his move.

"If you run, you're off missions until further notice." That seems to steady Bart, who looks more confused instead of panicked. "In your current condition, you'd be a risk to yourself, civilians, and the Team." Robin goes unmentioned, but the true meaning is implied.

"My condition?"

"You're careess, take unnecessary risks, currently lack focus you previously had, and have obvious issues that can distract you on the field. Let's try to sort this out before we need to call down Black Canary. And don't give me that look; we've all had to be sent to her for counseling at some point."

Kid Flash looks so frustrated and upset that it's heartbreaking _(because it's Wally's look and Dick has never been able to ignore it)._

"You can't help me. I doubt anyone can, so how about we forget this happened and I try harder next time. I'll go see Robin in a few minutes." Bart grins, easy and sure.

_Both Nightwing and Wally want to throttle him._

"Yeah, no. Cool offer though. Explain the problem. Now."

"I can't!"

"Then you're off the team, not only until your next psych evaluation, but until _we_, and I'm including the Flash because he's going to know and have his own opinion, decide it's safe for you to come back." And Nightwing means every word, but notices yet another look speed across Bart's face at the mention of his mentor. (_Someone's got to help him work on his poker face. Tim can; it'll give him something to do during bed rest_).

"This is about being Kid Flash, isn't it?" And he keeps his voice level but his heart is calling for Wally, each beat like the clang of a bell. Wally. Wally. Wally. But he's no longer around, Bart is. Bart is in trouble, and the only thing Dick can think about is Wally.

And in that moment, Dick finally gets it. (_There are fireworks going off in his head; he'd like to think Wally set them off_).

This wouldn't be the first time Bart's problems were ignored in honor of the memory of Wally, and it won't be the last. The sick feeling that settles in Dick's stomach reminds him of his own guilt, but he's not the only one who has done this (_"You still are Rob. Head in the game time."_)

"Yeah." Kid Flash looks miserable and alone against the world; damn, did they screw up.

Dick is not ready for this conversation, never will be. But this might be okay. Maybe.

"Do you even want to be Kid Flash?" The question barely passes his lips before Bart is frantically nodding.

"It's not about me being Kid Flash. I love what I do, love helping people, love everything I've gotten to experience."

"Its about Wally." This conversation will only last a few more seconds until his heart rips itself from his chest and lays dead on the cliff. (_I like it where it is, so knock it off_.) It should not be beating so hard, so deafening. But it is.

Bart's inability to look him in the eye says it all.

It takes Dick a few seconds to even realize he's talking.

"...and I know the Flash doesn't mean to but that doesn't change this. I'm not anyone's Kid Flash. Don't tell me any different because you love him. No one sees me. Only him. And I can't resent him because I loved him too, but not enough because I don't feel guilty for taking his place, for wanting him to be my shadow, not me his. And that's why I can't tell anyone because no one will understand failing to live up to the memories of the most beloved ghost ever!"

Countless times Dick has disconnected from this conversation, from this possibility because its true, every word, because he's the one who put Bart there, who spent hours wanting him to change into someone he could never become.

Bart is the broken one and the strong one right now, and Dick is immensely grateful and so sorry for that.

"You're right."

And Bart can't even look at him right now.

"You need to tell more people that. Start with the Flash. Change your name. Make your own identity and come back to Kid Flash when you know you're ready to overtake," his voice does not waver (it does), "Wally."

And for what might be the first time, Dick Grayson looks just at Bart Allen and says, "I'm sorry. For all of this."

This won't fix everything, but it is step one in doing the right thing by Bart. There's nothing more he can add to that thought; he's drained, and tired, and misses his best friend and that is the problem! (Dick focuses back on Bart before whatever remains of Wally in him orders him to).

Bart looks up at him and smiles slightly. It might be the first time he sees Nightwing, not Robin, the best friend left behind.

"He wouldn't have wanted this, you know that, right?" Its the last thing Bart says to him before he goes inside.

"Yeah, I do." But that just makes it worse.

Dick doesn't move until Barbra and Superboy find him, hours later.

(_Wally finds him after the mission, brooding where Wally usually does. He doesn't say anything until Dick does._

_"I still can't believe she's dead."_

_"Me neither."_

_"A tiny part of me can't blame Kaldur though; people change when the people they love die."_

_"True, but he's out of line." Wally exhales and elbows Dick, "Guess we better stay alive to keep the other in check."_

_"Easier said than done. Any day now I expect you to drop from a heart attack. Sometimes seeing you eat makes mine have sympathy pains."_

_"Nope, we're both living till we need to use those really cool electric chairs that bring us up stairs. I've got plans for when we look like harmless old men." _

_"Fine, I won't die if you won't." Its lip service, especially with their line of work, but, just for a second, Dick wants to believe this will be true, that they will grow old and terrorize like Wally wishes._

_"Deal."_

_Breaking that promise may be the one thing never forgives Wally for._

_I miss you_).

* * *

(Spring, 2017)

"Mark your calenders! Impulse is coming back from a mission not broken. I repeat: not broken." Blue Beetles calls out as the team returns.

Beast Boy follows a second later, looking like a wolf, with what looks like a cane clenched between his teeth. He spits it out and heads over to his sister and Nightwing. (_Garfield had once told him that mission souvenirs had been a Wally thing that the two later shared and that he kept it up because "A: it's awesome, B: it gives me and Wally something to talk about when I visit him., and C: calling out one of my finds had been the first thing that I saw your brother look up and notice after Wally died_).

Wonder Girl waves hello as she flies by him.

Then, there he is. The speedy injury magnet he liked even before his brain woke up to analyze "Is this a Good or Bad idea?" (_Jury's still out on that one, but Nightwing ruffles his hair when he brings that point up and easily (_quietly_) assures him its good, but Tim notices everything, from the way Dick still doesn't smile if the topic comes up to how some days a shelf of various odds and ends, ranging from an arrow, a beret, a robot eye, and what Tim thinks is an outdated tracer, is cleared away completely, only to be put up again a few days later_.)

"Hey, Giant." Impulse is slightly sluggish, but there are no obvious injuries (_Not favoring either side, no limp, can still control his mouth enough to the point I can understand him without asking multiple times for him to slow down and repeat. Conclusion: tired and most likely hungry but not broken. Victory._)

Robin, not Tim to anyone outside the family, relaxes slightly at both his analysis and the nickname. _("I thought you'd be shorter," Bart ruefully explained the day they met, "just like how the previous Kid Flash used to describe Nightwing, but here you are, towering over my like a giant."_

_"Just because I'm Robin doesn't mean I'm not me."_

_Kid Flash, who will prove to be a good mystery, shocks Robin by hugging him. He doesn't let go._

_"Ditto.")_

"Impulse. Starving?"

"Yes."

"Come on then."

(Dick turns away from Beast Boy for a second, and something in his heart unclenches slightly. Robin and Impulse, and lord, does he prefer the sound of that, walking side by side, acknowledging everyone who greets them but still focused on the other, like they were seemingly meant to.)

There will always be a part of Dick that belongs to Wally, and he's going to keep it close until he can one day return it. Until then, he's going to keep their family (their little "brothers", Superboy, Artemis, Babs, Roy, their old friends, the new recruits Wally would have loved) together and alive.

Dick smiles.

Its what Wally would have wanted.

* * *

This shattered me; I cried so hard and hate myself for doing this to these characters. Someone hit me. I have so many potential ideas in relation to what I just did (gestures wildly up to story) but not necessarily completely Dick focused. Again, I don't think I'm ever going to leave this fandom. I'm taking a little break until I can stop crying about what I did (and I do not trust myself to not upset them even more), but **if you liked this at all, feel free to put my on author alert, because even if I don't continue with some of the potential this story offered, my next piece will most likely be more Dick and Wally interactions** (I'm thinking a drabble involving each member of the team, new recruits included-except Lagoon Boy. I want to hit him when he says Neptune's Beard and I've learned to avoid writing about characters I hate).

I'm glad I broke the story in half though, especially seeing how the structure of this differs from the first chapter. I like to think that the first chapter allowed for me to do this bigger, more character driven chapter because, at the end of the day, I want this story to be about Dick and Wally and showcase just how well the two knew each other and how hard this loss hit (please don't be dead on the show).

And again, I love you all for reading this. Have a good day and take a tissue on the way out.


End file.
